we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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