Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
