help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
