and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
