I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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