Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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