I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i think im in europe. pls send help
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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