I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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