So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
How naked do you want me to be?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
