dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
