Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
