found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
