i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
