she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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