We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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