btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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