I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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