I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
