some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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