You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We have started to decorate penises.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
