I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
