beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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