He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
