White coat. Heels.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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