her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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