He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
birth control should be required to get into college
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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