I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
