woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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