Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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