dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i came on her dog
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
