her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
