he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
her facebook's as public as her vagina
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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