I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
