so explain again why im purple
no
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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