so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
