I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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