her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
