to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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