Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
