I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
