My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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