Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
