I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
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