I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
