so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
