You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
