Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
