No stitches, just platelets and will power
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
