About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
