Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
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