I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
